Binders Full of Women, or Reasons I Want Workplace Equality that Don't Pertain to Kids

I’m sure all of you guys watched the debate last week. Really I know you did, because I’m friends with y’all on Facebook and I follow you on twitter and if you’re cool enough I follow you on Tumblr too, and all my dashboards/TLs/newsfeeds were blowing up with Obama/Romney foolishness. I guess I should get on the socially conscious/responsible citizen bandwagon and talk about the election at least once before, you know, the election, so today we’re going to talk about one of the hot topics from last week’s throw down before it gets replaced by hot topics from tonight’s throw down.

You guessed it. Binders full of women.

I’m just kidding. It is way too late for me to get in on the Binders Full of Women joke so I’m not even gonna try. All I’m going to say is that there had to be a better way to say what he was trying to say, and I’m gonna leave it alone. I am, however, going to go in on something else dear old Mittens said that got on my nerves.

I do not need flexibility and fairness at my place of work because I need to go home and cook for my kids.

I am barely 23 years old. I just graduated college. I’m in grad school. I don’t have a boyfriend, I don’t have a fiancé, I’m not already married, and I think it’s pretty safe to say that I will not be taking that plunge anytime soon. I also don’t have any kids. Shocking, I know, considering 28.6% of young women in my age group had kids in South Carolina last year, but if you know me that’s not shocking at all. I don’t want kids. It’s not a secret. I do not want children, and though that may change later on, right now I am 23 and ain’t nobody got time for that. Don’t come around here talking about some, “Ooh, we’d make a pretty baby!” because I’m probably going to punch you in the jaw. Who did that line work for, exactly? I might punch her too.

Don’t laugh. I know people who have had that line thrown at them. That was not a joke.

What is a joke to me is that out of all the non-work related activities you could reasonably come up with for an example of why a woman might need time off, the first thing that pops into your head is kids.

I do not need flexibility at my place of work because I have kids.

I need flexibility and fairness at my place of work because I have a life. You know, that whole work/life balance thing? I’m not trying to be a workaholic and have ulcers by 35. That is not fun. That is not cute. Maybe I need to dip out a little early one day because I’m doing something with Zeta.  Maybe I start playing golf and need you to understand that I’m taking a day because I have an 11 o’clock tee time. Maybe I have bills to pay around town. Maybe I have to scoot down to an embassy in Atlanta to get a visa. Maybe I’m not staying late for once because my friend is in town from California and we have plans. Maybe life just happened and I need to go! Stuff happens! Stuff happens to women! Stuff happens to women who don’t have kids! Fancy that!

And that 72¢ to every $1 a man makes that was referenced during the debate? That is a white woman’s 72¢ to ever $1 a white man makes, and actually that number is a little low. As of 2010, white women make 80 for every $1 a white man makes, while I’m looking at 69¢ on that same dollar. I don’t know if you’ve checked out vending machines lately, but 69¢ can’t even get you a honey bun.

I am not shelling out for degrees to make 69¢ on the $1, booboo. That is not the plan. I cannot live on 69¢ to the dollar. Do you know why I can’t live on 69¢ to the dollar? I can give you a whole list.

I have student loans. I’d like to have the option of saving some of my money. I like expensive cars. I like nice houses. I want a Birkin bag. I think shoes with red bottoms and French names are pretty. I like shiny new toys like tablets and video games and digital cameras. I prefer to eat good food. Foreign cheeses are tasty. I like to take vacations, and when I take those vacations I like for them to be on an island in the Aegean Sea. Have you seen the USD/euro conversion rate lately? 69¢ is not going to work with that, and damn it Black hair care is EXPENSIVE.

Am I making sense? Yes, a lot of those reasons are superficial, but money is superficial, and I’m spending a lot of it right now to make myself competitive so that I can get some more (it’s a vicious cycle)! 69¢ on the dollar is not competitive! This is not acceptable!  One of these days I’ll actually move out and have bills and I’d like to have some cash left over after I pay them! WHO’S GOING TO BUY MY LOUIS BAGS IF NOT ME?!

I guess I’ll just go get myself a husband and spend his money. Obviously though I’m going to have to marry a white man*, because that’s about the only way getting married for financial gain is going to work. Asian men seemed to have discovered some way to actually earn more than white men ($1.10 to $1) so kudos to y’all (also, holla at me), but no one else has been so fortunate. Black men earn 74¢ on the dollar, which is just barely better than 69¢, and Latinos…that number is so sad I’m not even going to write it down. If I don’t write it down, it’s not true. I write it down, all hope dies.

The struggle is 69¢ worth of real.

*I sincerely hope y’all know I’m kidding. If I marry a white man, black man, polka dotted man, or green man it will not be because of how much money he makes (even if it is leaps and bounds over me). My mama did not raise me like that. It’s a joke. Laugh!