The Big Sleep

I think I may have found a fix for my sleeping problem.

If you've ever tried to wake me up, you know it's pretty much impossible because I'm the perfect opposite of an insomniac. I sleep through car rides. I've slept through tornadoes. I've slept through tree limbs covered in ice falling on my house. I've almost slept through every final exam I've ever had to take because I don't hear my alarm clocks, or I somehow turn them off without realizing it. Freshman year of college I spent the night at my friends' dorm just in case because theirs was closer to my sociology exam than my own dorm, and even then one of them had to wake me up. Senior year, I went home to have a nap before a Library Study Party with Nick and when I didn't answer any of his calls he came and got me himself. The list of examples goes ever on and on.

I am firmly of the opinion that when I go to sleep, I actually die for 8+ hours. It's kind of like Sleeping Beauty, except my "true love's kiss" is usually my mother standing in my doorway yelling my name. It's bad, yall.

So last night, I tried something new. I was actually looking for a low-intensity workout to add to my (non-existent) regimen, not a sleep-fix, when I finally clicked on some videos on the master list of YouTube workouts I posted to a friend's Facebook page. It was almost 1 AM, so I looked for something with "evening" in the title and came across two quick yoga routines. I did both of them, and this morning I popped straight up. I was even awake before 6:30; I'm just so unused to waking up on my own before 10:30 that I laid in bed confused and not knowing what else to do.

And now I'm sitting in Starbucks with a chai latte and a cheese bagel, wide eyed and bushy tailed (or bushy headed, as I washed my hair yesterday and it hasn't deflated) (more on deflating hair later, probably). It's Monday. This is crazy.

Obviously there is the possibility that this is a fluke, but obviously I'm going to keep testing it. What if I'm on to something here? Something that doesn't require medication, strange therapy, or experimental treatments? Do they even make drugs that work like Ambien but backwards? Do you know what I could do with an extra 3-5 hours in my day? Oh the possibilities. Oh the productivity! And it's exercise! I can wake up earlier and fit back into my clothes! There is no possible way that this could be horrible!

Unless, of course, I pull a muscle in my legs or tear a ligament or something. I'm not as flexible as I used to be, guys. Once upon a time, I could bend myself into a perfect circle. Not. Anymore. And if you're thinking that that's a bit extreme, you obviously don't know me. If anyone could find a way to tear important muscles and/or break bones doing yoga, it's me.

I'm just that talented.